DONKEY Oh! And it is lovely! Just beautiful. Who'd want to live in place like that? SHREK That would be my home. (They come over a hill and you can see Shrek's cottage.) Whoa! Look at that. DONKEY Shrek? Well, you know what I like about you, Shrek? You got that kind of I-don't-care-what-nobody-thinks-of-me thing. 'Grab your torch and pitchforks.' Doesn't that bother you? DONKEY Nope. really tall? SHREK No! I'm an ogre! You know. What am I? DONKEY (looks all the way up at Shrek) Uh. Only a true friend would be that cruelly honest. SHREK Stop singing! It's no wonder you don't have any friends. (singing) 'Cause I'm all alone, There's no one here beside me, My problems have all gone, There's no one to deride me, But you gotta have faith. SHREK Why are you following me? DONKEY I'll tell you why. I had strong gases leaking out of my butt that day. If you don't mind me sayin', if that don't work, your breath certainly will get the job done, 'cause you definitely need some Tic Tacs or something, 'cause you breath stinks! You almost burned the hair outta my nose, just like the time.(Shrek covers his mouth but Donkey continues to talk, so Shrek removes his hand.). Shrek turns and regards Donkey for a moment before roaring very loudly. Together we'll scare the spit out of anybody that crosses us. Hey, wait a minute! I got a great idea! I'll stick with you. SHREK Now, why don't you go celebrate your freedom with your own friends? Hmm? DONKEY But, uh, I don't have any friends.

That really made me feel good to see that. Then you showed up, and bam! They was trippin' over themselves like babes in the woods. Can I tell you that you that you was great back here? Those guards! They thought they was all of that. Incredible! SHREK Are you talkin' to.(he turns around and Donkey is gone) me? (he turns back around and Donkey is right in front of him.) Whoa! DONKEY Yes. DONKEY Can I say something to you? Listen, you was really, really, really somethin' back here. Shrek laughs and goes back about his business and begins walking back to his cottage. SHREK Oh, really? You and what army? He looks behind the guard and the guard turns to look as well and we see that the other men have run off. Ogre! SHREK Aye? HEAD GUARD By the order of Lord Farquaad I am authorized to place you both under arrest and transport you to a designated resettlement facility. Donkey looks scared for a moment then he spots the guards coming up the path. Shrek turns around to see who bumped into him. HEAD GUARD Seize him! (Donkey takes of running.) After him! GUARDS He's getting away! Get him! This way! Turn! Donkey keeps running and he eventually runs into Shrek. (he begins to sink to the ground.) He hits the ground with a thud. Ha, ha! (the pixie dust begins to wear off) Uh-oh. You might have seen a housefly, maybe even a superfly but I bet you ain't never seen a donkey fly. DONKEY Hey! I can fly! PETER PAN He can fly! 3 LITTLE PIGS He can fly! HEAD GUARD He can talk! DONKEY Ha, ha! That's right, fool! Now I'm a flying, talking donkey. He gets sprinkled with fairy dust and he's able to fly. One of her legs flies out and kicks Tinkerbell out of Peter Pan's hands, and her cage drops on Donkey's head. OLD WOMAN No, no! I swear! Oh! He can talk! The guards grab the old woman and she struggles with them. I'm the talkingest damn thing you ever saw. Guards! OLD WOMAN No, no, he talks! He does. HEAD GUARD Well? OLD WOMAN Oh, oh, he's just.he's just a little nervous. Well, that's good for ten shillings, if you can prove it. HEAD GUARD Next! What have you got? OLD WOMAN Well, I've got a talking donkey. PINOCCHIO Father, please! Don't let them do this! Help me! Gipetto takes the money and walks off. (his nose grows) HEAD GUARD Five shillings for the possessed toy. (jerks his rope) DONKEY Oh! HEAD GUARD Next! What have you got? GIPETTO This little wooden puppet.

Please! Give me another chance! OLD WOMAN Oh, shut up. LITTLE BEAR (crying) This cage is too small. Next! GUARD Get up! Come on! HEAD GUARD Twenty pieces. (breaks the broom in half) HEAD GUARD That's 20 pieces of silver for the witch. Come on! Get up! HEAD GUARD Next! GUARD (taking the witch's broom) Give me that! Your flying days are over. Some of the people in line are Peter Pan, who is carrying Tinkerbell in a cage, Gipetto who's carrying Pinocchio, and a farmer who is carrying the three little pigs. The head of the guard sits at a table paying people for bringing the fairy tale creatures to him. THE NEXT DAY There is a line of fairy tale creatures.

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